By 9:30, it hit me like a ton of bricks.
My husband and I had a wonderful homemade dinner, homemade dessert and were watching a really good movie. Suddenly, I was hot. (And not like you might think, though I briefly joked about that). I had a low-grade fever and was chilling, followed by a sudden headache. But I didn't feel sick, per se. Deep down, I knew. I knew it was all this emotion colliding together.
It's inevitable....one's emotions, if not dealt with on some (healthy) level, will eventually surface, forcing you to deal with them somehow...
And it doesn't help that I am naturally an emotional person. I wear my heart on my sleeve. EVERYTHING touches my heart. From the little turtle making his way across the street, to the young mother around the world starving herself to feed her baby and all that in between; these things stop me, they invade my heart. Until I pray about them, talk about them and on occasion, spend time thinking of how I can help them.
So, this collision.
Eventually, my temperature went down, my headache subsided and we enjoyed what was left of the evening.
...
But these heart-pains.
My heart hurts for the husband, little children and family preparing to bury their wife, mother, daughter, sister. She was so young. The kiddos are so young. I remember being such good friends with her and her sister in Kindergarten. We didn't remain close friends, but continued to grow up in the same school, the same town. We graduated together. Through FB, we were friends. I even ran into her a few times in the past year. Her and sweet little family. They were precious. So sweet. And my heart cries for them. She is with Jesus and at peace. But that doesn't lessen the sadness for us here on earth. And for the babies who don't understand.......oh my heart cries for them.
My aunt, on the hospital bed, unresponsive, for the eighth day. Just two weeks ago, she left me a voicemail with a loving message about how she loved seeing my pictures and sweet messages on Face book. She was thanking me for sharing. (She was recently new to this social media and I remember chuckling when FB recommended I become her friend...) I remember listening to that message and crying, because I needed to hear those words. I needed to hear something positive and good that day. And she, through the prompting of all the goodness in her heart, answered that call (from God, no less, I am sure). I saved that message.
There are other family members and friends struggling right now. Sickness, mental health, marriages. And my heart is heavy for them.
And my sweet friend who is dealing with the death of an uncle and her own aunt in the hospital.
And another family whose pain and grief is still fresh, I am sure, from the loss of their young wife and momma.
And the friends whose beautiful teenage daughter has a tumor and must undergo surgery.
And my own little family. We have our own personal struggles and issues.
There are marriages and families falling apart. And war. And poverty. And famine. And children killing children. And brother against brother. And nations crumbling. And...
How the bad and the ugly can weigh us down! Strangle us, if we allow it. That would be so easy.
...just to drown in this sea of hurt and struggle...
BUT.
What about the premature 1lb. baby who was not given much chance of living and now weighs 5lbs. and is thriving?
What about the precious woman who died and lived again? Who has battled sickness after sickness, only to be well again and again and still lived to see her beautiful children grow?
What about the soul who was taken and thrown into slavery, who was rescued and now lives free?
What about the smoker who finally quit?
What about the alcoholic who battled demons for most of his life, now lives free and works to help save other lives?
What about the healthy kiddos who were prayed for, begged for even, and now are here and...wonderful?
What about the marriages that are thriving...the husbands and wives fighting for each other?
What about the families that are holding together, lifting each other up?
What about the girl who traveled to China, shared her passion, and came back home to study more, share even more of her heart?
What about the family who lost their home to fire, but all 5 escaped, alive and unharmed?
What about the sons and daughters that return home from war, alive?
What about the friends who give and give and give, when you need it most and least expect?
What about Winter that turns to Spring? When the bitter cold wind dies and the warm fragrant breeze blows...
What about it? What about all the goodness that does exist, if we truly open our eyes and then our hearts, there is this goodness....is it all counted for nothing?
Perhaps it's only through God's grace that we can see it. Perhaps if you don't know Him, you won't ever see it. And that alone, is ugly and sad. And I don't know what to tell you about that.
But God. BUT GOD! I do know Him.
Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. Hebrews 4:14
....this morning, I held my husband's hands and prayed. Speaking of God's grace and goodness and love. His grace washed over me. And once again, I felt it. I felt the peace that surpasses all understanding. I felt the raw love of our Savior. I felt the pure heart of Jesus touch my own heart.
And once again, I was calmed, I could breathe again. So when the good and bad collide?
Thank God. Thank God. Thank God.
For everything and anything good.
312. Time to fold laundry
313. Loving neighbors who think of us
314. A note of encourage from a sweet friend
315. Prayers from friends for a sick family member
316. Our kitchen table
317. That rising sun. Every morning.
318. Little boys excited about Spring. "To play in mud, Mommy!"
319. For God's constant care
320. For playing outside
321. For a husband who can build things
....
And this thanks-giving list?
This "dare to list 1000 thanks"....I think it is saving my life.
Joy Dare
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