Collision.

 

Yesterday was Valentine's day. I spent most of the day torn between weeping over the loss of a young momma (and classmate from school), trying not to be anxious over the illness of several family members and trying to happily create and celebrate "Love Day" with my boys. It was also date night.

By 9:30, it hit me like a ton of bricks.
My husband and I had a wonderful homemade dinner, homemade dessert and were watching a really good movie. Suddenly, I was hot. (And not like you might think, though I briefly joked about that). I had a low-grade fever and was chilling, followed by a sudden headache. But I didn't feel sick, per se. Deep down, I knew. I knew it was all this emotion colliding together.

It's inevitable....one's emotions, if not dealt with on some (healthy) level, will eventually surface, forcing you to deal with them somehow...

And it doesn't help that I am naturally an emotional person. I wear my heart on my sleeve. EVERYTHING touches my heart. From the little turtle making his way across the street, to the young mother around the world starving herself to feed her baby and all that in between; these things stop me, they invade my heart. Until I pray about them, talk about them and on occasion, spend time thinking of how I can help them.

So, this collision.
Eventually, my temperature went down, my headache subsided and we enjoyed what was left of the evening.

...

But these heart-pains.

My heart hurts for the husband, little children and family preparing to bury their wife, mother, daughter, sister. She was so young. The kiddos are so young. I remember being such good friends with her and her sister in Kindergarten. We didn't remain close friends, but continued to grow up in the same school, the same town. We graduated together. Through FB, we were friends. I even ran into her a few times in the past year. Her and sweet little family. They were precious. So sweet. And my heart cries for them. She is with Jesus and at peace. But that doesn't lessen the sadness for us here on earth. And for the babies who don't understand.......oh my heart cries for them.

My aunt, on the hospital bed, unresponsive, for the eighth day. Just two weeks ago, she left me a voicemail with a loving message about how she loved seeing my pictures and sweet messages on Face book. She was thanking me for sharing. (She was recently new to this social media and I remember chuckling when FB recommended I become her friend...) I remember listening to that message and crying, because I needed to hear those words. I needed to hear something positive and good that day. And she, through the prompting of all the goodness in her heart, answered that call (from God, no less, I am sure). I saved that message.

There are other family members and friends struggling right now. Sickness, mental health, marriages. And my heart is heavy for them.

And my sweet friend who is dealing with the death of an uncle and her own aunt in the hospital.

And another family whose pain and grief is still fresh, I am sure, from the loss of their young wife and momma.

And the friends whose beautiful teenage daughter has a tumor and must undergo surgery.

And my own little family. We have our own personal struggles and issues.

There are marriages and families falling apart. And war. And poverty. And famine. And children killing children. And brother against brother. And nations crumbling. And...

How the bad and the ugly can weigh us down! Strangle us, if we allow it. That would be so easy.

 

...just to drown in this sea of hurt and struggle...

BUT.

What about the premature 1lb. baby who was not given much chance of living and now weighs 5lbs. and is thriving?

What about the precious woman who died and lived again? Who has battled sickness after sickness, only to be well again and again and still lived to see her beautiful children grow?

What about the soul who was taken and thrown into slavery, who was rescued and now lives free?

What about the smoker who finally quit?

What about the alcoholic who battled demons for most of his life, now lives free and works to help save other lives?

What about the healthy kiddos who were prayed for, begged for even, and now are here and...wonderful?

What about the marriages that are thriving...the husbands and wives fighting for each other?

What about the families that are holding together, lifting each other up?

What about the girl who traveled to China, shared her passion, and came back home to study more, share even more of her heart?

What about the family who lost their home to fire, but all 5 escaped, alive and unharmed?

What about the sons and daughters that return home from war, alive?

What about the friends who give and give and give, when you need it most and least expect?

What about Winter that turns to Spring? When the bitter cold wind dies and the warm fragrant breeze blows...

What about it? What about all the goodness that does exist, if we truly open our eyes and then our hearts, there is this goodness....is it all counted for nothing?

Perhaps it's only through God's grace that we can see it. Perhaps if you don't know Him, you won't ever see it. And that alone, is ugly and sad. And I don't know what to tell you about that.

But God. BUT GOD! I do know Him.

 

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. Hebrews 4:14

 

....this morning, I held my husband's hands and prayed. Speaking of God's grace and goodness and love. His grace washed over me. And once again, I felt it. I felt the peace that surpasses all understanding. I felt the raw love of our Savior. I felt the pure heart of Jesus touch my own heart.

And once again, I was calmed, I could breathe again.


So when the good and bad collide?

Thank God. Thank God. Thank God.

For everything and anything good.
 

312. Time to fold laundry

313. Loving neighbors who think of us

314. A note of encourage from a sweet friend

315. Prayers from friends for a sick family member

316. Our kitchen table

317. That rising sun. Every morning.

318. Little boys excited about Spring. "To play in mud, Mommy!"

319. For God's constant care

320. For playing outside

321. For a husband who can build things

 

....

 

And this thanks-giving list?

This "dare to list 1000 thanks"....I think it is saving my life.

Joy Dare

Miracles; Baby Natalie Update.

I have been so excited to sit down and write an update on my cousin, baby Natalie.
I haven't met her in person yet, but already she has touched my life in such a miraculous way. You can read about her beginning here.

For those of you who have been praying, THANK YOU!! Your prayers have been felt and answered! This precious baby girl is thriving and growing!

Here are some of the latest updates (quotes copied from FB with permission);

DECEMBER 20, 2012: "Had to jump on tonight and give a Baby Natalie update....Our "Little One" hit 2 lbs 1.2 oz. tonight! We were so excited! She is officially a 2 pounder now! She has had 4 really good days as of today! She is resting well, growing well, she is on no medication now and is being weaned off of her ventilator and expected to be off of it very soon!! My friends as I have said before and will say it again..."There is power in prayer!! Thanking God tonight for touching our little Natalie and always thanking friends and family for love and prayers!"

DECEMBER 25, 2012: "Do you believe in Miracles? Today as we celebrate the miracle birth of our Lord Jesus we are celebrating our little miracle baby! She is doing wonderful! Last night she weighed 2lbs. 9oz!! She continues to amaze us each day!...I wish you all a Very Merry and Blessed Christmas Day and continue to thank you all for your prayers! I BELIEVE!!"

 

JANUARY 7, 2013: "Giving thanks today after a few ups and downs, our little Baby Natalie continues to thrive. We received some very good test results today which we are thanking the Lord for. She weighs 2 lbs. 13 oz. now! Giving God all the glory for our little miracle and asking for continued prayers and continuing to thank you for them!"

 

Most recently; 

JANUARY 20, 2013: "FINALLY! Gram gets to hold me!!
Our little Natalie is doing great. She now weighs 3lbs. 6oz!! She will be 11 weeks old on Wednesday! She is growing so well! She smiles at us now and follows us with her eyes when we talk to her! Everything is going smoothly right now and for that we are giving God all the glory! Talk about something that did my heart good, being able to rock her now is another blessing in itself! So grateful to God for this little miracle and for continuing to answer prayers from friends and family!"

picture used with permission

 

...

 

Our God is a God of miracles and when we trust Him, believe Him, wait on Him, He answers! How He blesses us!

 

Thank you again friends for your prayers and love over this precious life and her family! Please continue to lift them up as they continue on.

 

God bless you prayer warriors!

Until next time.

 

Prayer, Plans and Life.

 

IT.IS.COLD.

Like, 1degree cold. (windchill making it more like -13degrees!). I felt so bad for my husband who had to leave this morning. I wanted him to stay here in the warmth with me. Boooo. And I am thanking God again and again (and again) for the emergency heat part of our furnace because yesterday, the other part quit. Another boooo. But, we are warm, still. And I am just praising God for taking care of us. Praise God!
...

I've been up and at 'em since 5:45am. For those of you who are like, "so what, I do that everyday!"...this, my friends, is HUGE for me. :)
And this is just a part of the changes being made around here.
Yes, this momma is putting together a plan.  And, it's been somewhat painful. Thankfully, "management" (ahh, that would me!...) gave me until the end of this month. With all the changes we have experienced in the past 4 years (you know, finally getting pregnant, then proceeding to have three babies in three years!), I'm feeling a bit dizzy. ...I would like to stand still for a minute.

But, God is good and life is blessed and precious and we must keep on keeping on.
So, for the first time in a few years, I am not pregnant or nursing (an) infant(s). I feel like a woman ready to conquer the world! ....well, at least conquer my home and all my duties...((wink))

So my first "goal" has been to go to bed earlier and get up earlier (i.e, 10:45pm - 5:30). No more staying up late and getting up with the kiddos (which lucky for me is 9-ish!). I'm doing okay with that. I get up with my husband now, which encourages us both.

That is the "foundation" for my 2013 goals. Because "Highest Management meetings" (aka time with God) and preparing for each day will happen in the window of time I have before the kids get up.

The next step (and first on my "list") includes (a) "Utilizing my time wisely". I am a "schedule person". I like schedules (as long as I am making them (ha!)). I like lists and calendars and organization. Sometimes, though, that's as far as I get. Boo. As mommas, we MUST be flexible right?.
[this "step" is probably another part of the "foundation", but I call it (a)]

The remainder of my 2013 goals include:
(b) Budgeting finances. We kind of lost control when baby three came into the picture and with the chaos that became us, we just went with it. Of course, now I regret that (the budget fail, not baby three!)...this change could be the most painful!
(c) Improving our bodies (i.e., exercise and eating). This will include meal planning and incorporating healthier alternatives and LOTS more water. And, incorporating my own exercise regimen and making sure there is lots of active play for the kids (even in winter time) (thus hopefully inspiring the man to join in!)
and finally;
(d) A new (home)school year. We kind of dove into home schooling last year and it was more of a trial period. We pretty much had school time when we felt like it. Now that I know a little more about myself (as a mom to three) and more about the twins' learning styles, this year, the boys and I will be schooling daily (I use this term loosely, because, well...because I can.).

Thankfully, I have found some really great resources to inspire me (see below). And some really great (free) planning tools. The reason I have until the end of January? ...putting it all together takes time! And doing it around "life" can be difficult. So "planning" an entire household's "changes" into one month [the most boring month! haha.]? Not a bad idea if you ask me.

Inspired to Action
Motherhood on a Dime (I visit this site often. She has TONS of resources, from deals to fitness and even home organization.)
Emily Jones Design Company (A beautiful gal. She simply inspires me. And occasionally, she posts some neat free prints!)
Momheart
Proverbs31 Ministries (inspiring me to be more like the woman described in Proverbs 31)
Women Living Well (inspiring and a great FREE resource that I am using currently; Proverbs31 E-Book)
and of course,
Ann Voskamp at A Holy Experience (encouraging, inspiring and just wonderful to read!)

Along with these sites (and others I cannot think of right now), I am also (once again) working on my list of 1000 Gifts. I have read the book One Thousand Gifts; A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are, written beautifully by Ann Voskamp. I am now reading the One Thousand Gifts Devotional; Reflections on Finding Everyday Graces and working on my second list of 1000 Gifts.

I am also using the YouVersion app on my phone for a great One Year Bible Reading Plan and a few daily devotionals. This app is GREAT! They lay it all out for you and with a few clicks, you are reading AND keeping up! For anyone with a smartphone, I HIGHLY recommend this App! :)

 Until next time, be blessed my friends!

Storms.

photo source: tumblr.com

 

The storms of life are tough. ...That's a given.

But, we don't ever have to go through them alone. Thank God for that!

The lyrics from a favorite song remind of God's infallible promises, given to us in His Word.

..."You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There may be pain in the night
But joy comes in the morning

The wind is strong and the water's deep
I'm not alone here in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails

The chasm is far too wide
I never thought I'd reach the other side
Your love never fails"...
~Newsboys - Your Love Never Fails
From the album God's Not Dead

And throughout the ages, God's people have trusted Him through life's storms. Those promises have never changed.

       In an ever-changing world, God never changes.      

And for that alone, I praise Him. I love Him. And I will continue to trust Him.

I am especially believing this today. Right now, in fact. During a time when it's the coldest day in a long time and just this morning, a part of our furnace quit. We will not distress. We will TRUST. Even for a broken furnace.

As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. ~Psalm 71:14



Reaching out; Prayers for Baby Natalie.

i have known loss in my life before. the loss of a grandparent, a beloved pet, a friend, a relative. all loss is loss and breaks the heart. ....but there is nothing like the loss of a child. whether in the womb or out, as mother, i know how the plans and dreams for this life begin as soon as you discover there is life inside of you. and how it shatters the heart when those dreams die, when life is lost.

there is nothing, no nothing, like holding new life in your hands, rocking this miracle in your arms. whether planned or not, new life is a miracle.

these days, i am consumed with emotion, consumed with dreams and excitement and bittersweetness of baby's first christmas, and three little birthdays all in a row. these three little miracles alive and active and well. i thank God every day. every.single.day for the time i have with them. trying not to take it for granted. some days i do. some days i think, "oh we have tomorrow." ...but will we?


...these days, my heart is also consumed with thoughts of the momma who sits in the hospital with her new baby girl. waiting. praying. waiting. praying. i try to imagine sitting there watching for every breath, counting. waiting. praying. i don't know exactly how it goes, i've never actually been there. but i know i don't want to. but it's happening and my heart breaks and i just want to hold that momma. i want to hold her and pray for her and with her and hold that precious life, to see her breathing. to see her growing.

baby natalie was born at 25 weeks. she weighed 1lb.5oz. i imagine she could have laid in the palm my hand, curled up, so sweet.
like me, you may hear this and think, "how to survive!? can she survive? God! let her survive!"

ahh, but God! GOD! our true miracle worker, life-giver, sustainer. He is our miracle!

baby natalie is a fighter. God is at work. baby natalie reminds me, though i have yet to meet her, that not only is life precious and fragile, but every breath, every.single.breath we take, our children take, our loved ones take, is precious, a miracle in itself. God is the giver of life, breath and every precious moment we have here. let's not take it for granted. ever.

won't you join me in prayer for baby natalie? lift her and her family, my family, and that precious exhausted momma who is pleading with God for her baby's life? please?

This Morning.

My heart is flooded with thanks especially this morning.
…My giggling smiling baby boy, my loud crazy little boys with their laughter and energy and my hard-working loving husband with a heart so helpful and caring...Enveloped by family and friends who pray for us, with us and love abounds...you really cannot ask for more.
...Then there's my God, Oh! My Lord who so graciously gives us more anyway, just because He loves us so and longs to bless us.

Praise the Lord! Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever. Psalm 106:1

I will praise the name of God with a song, and will magnify Him with thanksgiving. Psalm 69:30

Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23

He determines the number of stars and calls them by name. Great is our Lord and mighty in power; His understanding has no limit. Psalm 147:4-5