The Faith of Children.

I love people. I do. I love chatting and sharing and learning about the lives of those around me. I love making new friends.
But, it's the starting line I am afraid of; you know the whole approaching and introducing part. I usually chicken out. I can't even begin to imagine how many missed opportunities there have been in my life because of this ridiculous fear.

But my boys.
Oh! To be brave like them. They will walk right up to the kids on the playground say, "Hi, I'm ____________. Want to play?". Or people in general, "Hi! I had a virus last year but I'm all better now." Or "Hi! I'm ___________ and I love superheroes, do you love superheroes? ....." And lately, after proper introductions, they've been asking, "Do you have Jesus in your heart?"  
To just about anyone, really.


Seriously. I so want to be like them when I grow up.

We went to our local playground last week and there were two little boys there with their mom. Immediately, the boys approached my boys and asked if they wanted to play. My boys of course said "Yes!" and ran off to play. Seriously, not even looking back.

I was left standing there with this colossal decision; do I sit close to the other mom or on the other side of the park? Do I talk to her? Will she like me? Does she even want company? (Crazy, I know!)
I chose to sit down the way from her, close enough to talk, but enough distance I didn't seem looming.

Then, I heard our boys talking. "I have God in my heart, do you?" "Yes! God is my friend!" "I love God."
Four little big boys sharing their love for God. All my defenses fell. I beamed. I chuckled and said out loud, "Oh wow. Our boys are talking about having God in their hearts."
  We both laughed and immediately, conversation flowed. Turns out, God blessed us with more than just perfect park weather that day. We all gained new friends. Another faithful, sweet momma who loves God and her family, clearly.

I'm not sure what would have happened if it hadn't been for my boys and their faith that day. I may have missed out on something wonderful because of my anxiety and my own insecurities. I'm so thankful to know my boys are willing to share their faith. I pray they never lose willingness and bravery to open right up to people.  

To be fearless and transparent, especially in their faith.

Bent.

That day I thought I was going to break. Right there, in the middle of my kitchen.
After a wild day, and while the baby napped, the twins had just spent forty-five minutes playing with play-dough. It was everywhere. Little colorful crumbs all over the floor, clumps of swirly doughy stuff were all over the table, on the chairs, even in their hair. It was time to clean up and little boy eyes looked at me all wild and crazy, "NO MOMMY!"
"We're too tired! We can't clean this up!"
 ...this was a day full of disobedience, backtalk, boys arguing, fighting, yelling....
They scattered. I yelled. And then it happened.
I fell to my knees. I cracked. I cried. I was so done with all this craziness. I felt...so...broken. I sat there on the floor, back against the wall, in the midst of all this crumbly mess and cried and cried.
It had been such a bad week. This, after the death of a friend, the death of a family member, sickness and struggles in our family and being cooped up in this house for what seemed to be the longest winter ever.
In this moment, when my mind was racing, my heart broken, my feet ready to sprint anywhere but here, I couldn't even say the word, "Jesus". I couldn't speak to my Savior, my friend. I was ashamed and burdened. The weight of it all took my breath away. Five minutes seemed like eternity. And then...
This man, my man, whom God blessed me with while I was still just a kid, walked through the door. He was home from his own long day. He took one look at me..."Are you okay?"
It was all I could to shake my head no. In a voice I no longer recognized, "I.Cannot.Do.This."
...sobbing...
These strong arms gathered me up, wiped my tears and said, "Go. Get a coffee and go for a drive. Breathe Kim. I love you. Just go. And then come back to us."

And I went.

A few miles down the road, I pulled over and sobbed. Gasping and crying. Ashamed. Heartbroken. Weary. I yelled. I cried out.
Getting that out...it felt good. And finally, the words came. "God! Help me!"
I drove. I asked for guidance. I asked for wisdom. I asked for rest.
A voice on the radio spoke about how if we're honest, we all have these dark moments in our life when the burdens seem too much, too heavy. I nodded in agreement. Yes.
I shuttered to think what I would do if I didn't have my Savior. And I called out to Him again.

And then...memories flooded...I remembered back to days earlier in my life. All those days praying for and preparing for this. Being saved. Being a wife. Being a mommy. Believing that even when it seemed so impossible, God had truly created me for all this.

So why do I keep falling apart?
....

"When we take our eyes off of Christ all the flaws start to show."


I am caregiver, teacher, preacher, house keeper, cook, nurse, wife... all these things and if I fail, I fail them. And some days, I only want to be me. But who is that? Who am I? And when do I have time to think on that? And when do I have time to breathe? And when can I....I...I...me. Me. Me.
That is when I fall apart. I end up back here.

"Oh(!), the joys of those who trust in the LORD" Psalm 40:4

"Jesus replied, "This is the work (service) that God asks of you: that you believe in the One Whom He has sent [that you cleave to, trust, rely on, and faith in His Messenger]" John 6:29

...I gave up ME long ago. For HIM. And to be for them.

 - This is my daily work, the work God asks of me? The work I shirk. To trust in the Son, to trust in the wisdom of this moment, to trust in now. And trust is: work. The work of trusting love. Intentional and focused. Sometimes, too often, I don't want to muster the energy. Stress and anxiety seem easier. Easier to let a mind run wild with worry than to exercise discipline, to reign her in, slip the blinders on and train her to walk steady in certain assurances, not spooked by the spectors looming ahead. 
      Isn't joy worth the effort of trust?"

Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts


I arrive at this place where weariness and selfishness collide. Three little ones and even this man; they wear me down. Most of the time, I take them too seriously. I get impatient. I get frustrated because they don't understand and I have these expectations that they could never meet.
Why do I do that?


"I stop the spinning thoughts, the probing questions, the hands sorting, the laundry work,
             because God needs
                        knees more than hands."

"His power is made perfect in my weakness (!)." 2Corinthians 12:10

There are so many forces working against us. As mothers, wives, individuals. Many of the day-to-day things we do or have, those very things, may be a force to destroy us.
                                 And we need to be aware. And on guard.

"We must notice fast when the enemy is working and RUN for Jesus quickly...

              We do not have time for these interruptions by the enemy, we have work to accomplish for Christ. We want more of Him and less of us!" 

- Sonya -Becoming a Strong Woman of God

"Let us not grow weary in doing good for at the right time we WILL reap a harvest IF we don't give up." - The Apostle Paul (Mom Heart online)

These days are wild, yet fleeting. It is NORMAL to have bad days. Sometimes, several in a row. But we MUST NEVER EVER lose sight of the end goal. Heaven. For ourselves and our families.

Hormones, tantrums (ours and theirs!), tragedies, mistakes, finances, the weather...all these things trip us up and can temporarily bring us down, but it should be DOWN ON OUR KNEES, not down in the dumps!

"Progress. Just make progress. It's okay to have setbacks and the need for do-overs. It's okay to draw a line in the sand and start over again - and again. Just make sure you are moving the line forward. MOVE FORWARD. Take baby steps, but at least take steps that keep you from being stuck. then change will come. And it will be good. - Unglued - Lysa TerKeurst

We spend so much of our time filling others, doing for others; some of us, just fulfilling every basic human need for these little ones; i.e., wiping noses, changing diapers, dressing and teaching little ones. That alone can be exhausting. It is EASY to become empty. By end of day, we are wiped out, drained,completely running on fumes, if that.

"When you are oppressed with constant thoughts of your inadequacy, recognize the voice of accusation for who it is. It certainly isn't God." - Sally Clarkson, The Mom Walk

Those are the moments we need to dig in and press into God. NOT GIVE UP, NOT crawl into bed completely deflated. (I am not implying you don't need rest!) But, rest in HIM, first!
AND THEN, rest easy.

Following, by beginning your days with Him. Whenever you can. And don't be so hard on yourself when you can't.

I get into this groove, where I will wake up at 6:30 and have an hour or longer to spend in God's Word and it's AWESOME. Then, there are these days when baby boy decides to wake up at 6am and I feel completely lost without my time with God. (But let's be honest, that was my plan, my expectation that went out the door!) It's easy to feel like those days are crazy-out-of-control-days. But instead of despairing, I can CHOOSE to rejoice. I must CHOOSE to be grace-full, mercy-full, rejoice-full. Because those are still days I have been given, blessed with.
And little eyes are watching.

Thanksgiving.

"Will you live today like grace has connected your life to something vastly bigger than the hopes and dreams of this little moment?" - Paul David Tripp

Writing out a list of thanks EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.
Have you tried it? What are you waiting for? What could possibly be wrong about noting every good thing we encounter in our days? Our lives should sum up to this: thanks to God, our Creator, our Father in Heaven, who loves us with an everlasting love. This God who has truly surrounded us with such breathtaking beauty; He longs for us to just enjoy it!

One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek:...all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple." Psalm 27:4

   "Faith is the gaze of the soul and I want to see in. So I can enter in."

489. Watching the sunset.
490. Thinking about Jesus.
491. Listening to my guys watch a basketball game.
492. Playing baseball with my boys.
493. All three boys swinging outside. Laughter.
494. Dancing in the kitchen with the love of my life.
495. Jesus.Paid.It.All.
496. Church friends. The love. The smiles. The hugs. The Support.
497. Easter dinner with family.
498. A family member healing. Finally. God is good!
499. That bird feeder. The cheerful singing and chatter over their breakfast.

 I cannot, will not, do this life without Jesus. And to give Him thanks, only heightens the joy that He has brought into my life.

 

 

"God's love for you is the GREAT ETERNAL constant in the midst of all the inconsistencies of your daily walk."  - Rich in Blessings

 

 

Be blessed mommas. You may be bent, but God! He will not let you break! Hold on!

Trust in Him. YOU WILL NOT BREAK.

 

Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Our God is a God who saves; from the Sovereign Lord comes escape from death. ~Psalm 68:19-20

 

PRAISE BE TO GOD!

 

 

Until next time.

 



Miracles; Baby Natalie Update.

I have been so excited to sit down and write an update on my cousin, baby Natalie.
I haven't met her in person yet, but already she has touched my life in such a miraculous way. You can read about her beginning here.

For those of you who have been praying, THANK YOU!! Your prayers have been felt and answered! This precious baby girl is thriving and growing!

Here are some of the latest updates (quotes copied from FB with permission);

DECEMBER 20, 2012: "Had to jump on tonight and give a Baby Natalie update....Our "Little One" hit 2 lbs 1.2 oz. tonight! We were so excited! She is officially a 2 pounder now! She has had 4 really good days as of today! She is resting well, growing well, she is on no medication now and is being weaned off of her ventilator and expected to be off of it very soon!! My friends as I have said before and will say it again..."There is power in prayer!! Thanking God tonight for touching our little Natalie and always thanking friends and family for love and prayers!"

DECEMBER 25, 2012: "Do you believe in Miracles? Today as we celebrate the miracle birth of our Lord Jesus we are celebrating our little miracle baby! She is doing wonderful! Last night she weighed 2lbs. 9oz!! She continues to amaze us each day!...I wish you all a Very Merry and Blessed Christmas Day and continue to thank you all for your prayers! I BELIEVE!!"

 

JANUARY 7, 2013: "Giving thanks today after a few ups and downs, our little Baby Natalie continues to thrive. We received some very good test results today which we are thanking the Lord for. She weighs 2 lbs. 13 oz. now! Giving God all the glory for our little miracle and asking for continued prayers and continuing to thank you for them!"

 

Most recently; 

JANUARY 20, 2013: "FINALLY! Gram gets to hold me!!
Our little Natalie is doing great. She now weighs 3lbs. 6oz!! She will be 11 weeks old on Wednesday! She is growing so well! She smiles at us now and follows us with her eyes when we talk to her! Everything is going smoothly right now and for that we are giving God all the glory! Talk about something that did my heart good, being able to rock her now is another blessing in itself! So grateful to God for this little miracle and for continuing to answer prayers from friends and family!"

picture used with permission

 

...

 

Our God is a God of miracles and when we trust Him, believe Him, wait on Him, He answers! How He blesses us!

 

Thank you again friends for your prayers and love over this precious life and her family! Please continue to lift them up as they continue on.

 

God bless you prayer warriors!

Until next time.

 

Storms.

photo source: tumblr.com

 

The storms of life are tough. ...That's a given.

But, we don't ever have to go through them alone. Thank God for that!

The lyrics from a favorite song remind of God's infallible promises, given to us in His Word.

..."You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There may be pain in the night
But joy comes in the morning

The wind is strong and the water's deep
I'm not alone here in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails

The chasm is far too wide
I never thought I'd reach the other side
Your love never fails"...
~Newsboys - Your Love Never Fails
From the album God's Not Dead

And throughout the ages, God's people have trusted Him through life's storms. Those promises have never changed.

       In an ever-changing world, God never changes.      

And for that alone, I praise Him. I love Him. And I will continue to trust Him.

I am especially believing this today. Right now, in fact. During a time when it's the coldest day in a long time and just this morning, a part of our furnace quit. We will not distress. We will TRUST. Even for a broken furnace.

As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. ~Psalm 71:14



Reaching out; Prayers for Baby Natalie.

i have known loss in my life before. the loss of a grandparent, a beloved pet, a friend, a relative. all loss is loss and breaks the heart. ....but there is nothing like the loss of a child. whether in the womb or out, as mother, i know how the plans and dreams for this life begin as soon as you discover there is life inside of you. and how it shatters the heart when those dreams die, when life is lost.

there is nothing, no nothing, like holding new life in your hands, rocking this miracle in your arms. whether planned or not, new life is a miracle.

these days, i am consumed with emotion, consumed with dreams and excitement and bittersweetness of baby's first christmas, and three little birthdays all in a row. these three little miracles alive and active and well. i thank God every day. every.single.day for the time i have with them. trying not to take it for granted. some days i do. some days i think, "oh we have tomorrow." ...but will we?


...these days, my heart is also consumed with thoughts of the momma who sits in the hospital with her new baby girl. waiting. praying. waiting. praying. i try to imagine sitting there watching for every breath, counting. waiting. praying. i don't know exactly how it goes, i've never actually been there. but i know i don't want to. but it's happening and my heart breaks and i just want to hold that momma. i want to hold her and pray for her and with her and hold that precious life, to see her breathing. to see her growing.

baby natalie was born at 25 weeks. she weighed 1lb.5oz. i imagine she could have laid in the palm my hand, curled up, so sweet.
like me, you may hear this and think, "how to survive!? can she survive? God! let her survive!"

ahh, but God! GOD! our true miracle worker, life-giver, sustainer. He is our miracle!

baby natalie is a fighter. God is at work. baby natalie reminds me, though i have yet to meet her, that not only is life precious and fragile, but every breath, every.single.breath we take, our children take, our loved ones take, is precious, a miracle in itself. God is the giver of life, breath and every precious moment we have here. let's not take it for granted. ever.

won't you join me in prayer for baby natalie? lift her and her family, my family, and that precious exhausted momma who is pleading with God for her baby's life? please?

Giving Thanks Day six; Trusting Him.

 

There is unwavering peace today…

when an uncertain tomorrow…

is trusted to an unchanging God.

~Ann Voskamp

Of course, I voted today. I'm thankful for the right and happy to fulfill the responsibility.

But, ultimately, the outcome really doesn't matter. (GASP! Did I really just say that?!)

I am a child of God, of the one TRUE KING. My life is in HIS hands. I BELIEVE Him. I TRUST Him. I don't need to fret or worry or depend on man to take care of me, because my life is in the hands of One so much greater, stronger, unchanging.

I am so thankful for my salvation.