Brave Face.

I've been a mama for four years and 246 days.  Over the years;

..."So, do you consider yourself a warrior?" he asked.
I paused a moment as an indescribable image went through my mind. "Yes. Yes I do." I replied.
He lifted his head and looked me straight in the eye, "Momma warrior." Original Post; Warrior


"I am so thankful for hanging in there. For bravery. For not giving in when I so wanted to. This wasn't the first time and it surely won't be the last. Each time, I am a little bit braver, a little bit stronger. And I am grateful for God's help through it all" Original Post; Thank-full; Bravery

"We are in the trenches, moms. It's hard. We are raising the next generation of world changers. Let's not be embarrassed or afraid to say I'm struggling with anger. I'm sad and weary. I need more of Jesus and don't know where to start.  It's okay to admit we are weak. That's when He is strong. It's okay to need help." -blogged by Redeemed (read the full post, Perfect, here) Original Post; Trenches

"It's been 16 days since I became a mother of 3. I've gone from glowing proud momma to hormonal weepy momma to grouchy exhausted momma and back. Daily."  Original Post; Mother-Over-Load

"... Little people learning their way, attitudes, likes/dislikes, all very different from each other. Sometimes I want to pull my hair out trying to decipher small talk and discipline, for each child is very different. It's not unusual to find myself near tears by mid-day. Feeling defeated, wondering what to do next. Each step in my day is a lesson and example to little eyes and ears; I attempt to tread carefully. But, sometimes, my shaky knees cause me to fall. I want to melt right into the floor, become invisible. Instead, I pick myself up, deep breath in, a quick prayer, and forgiveness is sought. Start over. Again..." Original Post; On Shaking Knees 

"...More than a few hundred times over the past 9 months one thought has dawned on me over and over again; my children need me. And I need Jesus, now more than ever. I have never, ever, felt so...depended on. It's utterly...exhausting. And beautiful. Beautifully exhausting."  Original Post; Substance and Kisses

(written when the twins were one month old) "...A month already. Words almost cannot describe life in the past month. Words like blessings, journey, adventure, anxiety, pressure, faith, exhaustion come to mind. All in one big bundle. Make that two...our two boys. It's been amazing. Being a parent is no easy feat. And when people ask me questions like, "Aren't you so in love?", "Isn't this the most wonderful thing?", etc., I cannot help but think, "Are you crazy!?!?"...   Original Post; One-Month

(written while pregnant with the twins, our first babies) "...With all the time on my hands lately, I think about this change to come often. I won't lie, there have been some days when it scared me. These days, I just look it in the eye and take my position; I am ready.
I reminded myself some time ago that God gave us this gift, this mission. And He has NEVER given us anything we cannot handle without Him. Ever since BJ and I were married, God has been the third strand in our cord of love/life. As long as that third strand is there, we cannot be broken, not as a couple and not as parents.So bring on the change"  Original Post; Change

  
 These days are hard.

H-A-R-D.
I miss the littlest days. The baby days. I miss having a baby and two toddlers. Those days were the easy days. I fed them, changed them, played with them and held them. That was it. Every day. Sometimes, they all cried and that was tough, but I just had to hold them or bounce them around a bit or make funny faces and noises. Sometimes, we went places and I had major anxiety until we arrived safely back home. BUT, those were the easy days. (for me, so far, anyway.)




But now. NOW they talk and have personality and reason and argue and have opinions. AND wow! I feel so...outnumbered. Each kiddo is different. Different needs, different likes, different sizes, different triggers, different. different. different. And, it.just.keeps.changing.
(Lions and tigers and bears! OH MY!)

I have inherited their natural ADD and then there's hormones. So, I have my own issues.

And now, we're homeschooling. Three little ones in PreK. 
Really, that's an entire post on it's own; stay tuned, I'm working on that!
Homeschooling is awesome. And crazy. And fun. Awesome crazy fun.  When it's not fun, we take a break, because seriously, they're two and four. Learning SHOULD be fun.

And terrible-twos. That's (not) fun. THAT seems to only get more fierce as we get to the terrifying-threes. Cause it's not enough to get to the fight-for-our-freedom-fives as we grow out of the fidgety-fickle-fours.

The days are emotional, dramatic. EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. Fighting, friendships, up and down, down and up.
And don't even get me started on bedtime.
Or nighttime. You know, that time between 2am and 4am when a certain little guy decides to scream "MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYY!"
Because of any number of reasons like;
[Me as I drowsily walk fall up the steps (do you know how dangerous this is in the dark, half asleep?)]: "What kiddo? Are you sick? Did you have an accident?"
Him: "I just missed you mommy." (Aww, that's sweet, but seriously kid, I WAS SLEEPING.),

"He (pointing to brother) is looking at me."
Me: "Really, kiddo? He's ASLEEP."
Kiddo: "Well, his eyes are p o i n t e d at me..."

(the classic) "I'm scared.",

(okay, allergy season) "I'm all itchy."

(sniff-sniff) "I can't smell. MOMMY! I can't smell!" (allergy season, I think.)

"I don't want to sleep right now. Can I just watch TV?" (UM, no.)

and the latest baffling excuse,
"Mommy, my toe is tickly!!" (What in the world?! Fine kiddo, just come sleep downstairs. To which said kid falls fast asleep on couch while I am now wide awake and consumed by my thoughts.)

These days. {In case you were wondering.}

This is a season. Dare I say, a mostly ugly one?  

There are these crazy good moments. Moments that take my breath away and squeeze my mama heart. THANK GOD. Many other moments have me begging God to just let us move on to the next season; one that is much more enjoyable, much more comfortable. 

  But time after time, I am reminded that THESE ARE THE DAYS to hold onto. THESE ARE THE DAYS to grasp and smile and grab my camera and document as much as possible.
And hold these little fidgety, moody, loud, dirty, beautiful, little boys.

THESE ARE THE DAYS.

Because talk to any mama who has watched her grown boy (or girl) walk out the door into their own grown-up life, and she'll tell you; "I'd give almost anything to have those little years back."

"THE DAYS ARE LONG, BUT THE YEARS ARE SHORT."

By the grace of God, I am holding on. I pray for these little ones every day. I pray that in this  ugly-beautiful season (and those to come) that grace would overflow from my heart; to them, for them, through them.

It’s what we call the ugly-beautiful… d’un beau affreux. 

What the impressionist painter, Paul Gauguin, encapsulated as, “Le laid peut-etre beau…” 

Translation: The ugly can be beautiful….[A.Voskamp, A Holy Experience]

And This is how. 

     Every morning, I rise, I kiss the man and wave good-bye. I race the sun. To make my place and greet her as she rises. A new day, like a new gift. And Jesus. He meets me there. His Word fills me and tells me of great wonders. And like a warrior, I put on my brave face. I prepare to greet these precious lives with hope and joy. Whether it's received well or not, no matter the ugly-beautiful the day may bring, God's grace always brings us together again at close of day. 

Mercy. Forgiveness. Love. Each day, in every season.

 

"If you don’t fight for joy, it’s your children who lose.

What do I want my children to remember — my joy in clean floors, made beds and ironed shirts — or my joy of the Lord?

You will be most remembered — by what brought you most joy.

The joy of the Lord is your strength and the person of Christ is your unassailable joy – and the battle for joy is nothing less than fighting the good fight of faith."

Ann Voskamp

 

The Faith of Children.

I love people. I do. I love chatting and sharing and learning about the lives of those around me. I love making new friends.
But, it's the starting line I am afraid of; you know the whole approaching and introducing part. I usually chicken out. I can't even begin to imagine how many missed opportunities there have been in my life because of this ridiculous fear.

But my boys.
Oh! To be brave like them. They will walk right up to the kids on the playground say, "Hi, I'm ____________. Want to play?". Or people in general, "Hi! I had a virus last year but I'm all better now." Or "Hi! I'm ___________ and I love superheroes, do you love superheroes? ....." And lately, after proper introductions, they've been asking, "Do you have Jesus in your heart?"  
To just about anyone, really.


Seriously. I so want to be like them when I grow up.

We went to our local playground last week and there were two little boys there with their mom. Immediately, the boys approached my boys and asked if they wanted to play. My boys of course said "Yes!" and ran off to play. Seriously, not even looking back.

I was left standing there with this colossal decision; do I sit close to the other mom or on the other side of the park? Do I talk to her? Will she like me? Does she even want company? (Crazy, I know!)
I chose to sit down the way from her, close enough to talk, but enough distance I didn't seem looming.

Then, I heard our boys talking. "I have God in my heart, do you?" "Yes! God is my friend!" "I love God."
Four little big boys sharing their love for God. All my defenses fell. I beamed. I chuckled and said out loud, "Oh wow. Our boys are talking about having God in their hearts."
  We both laughed and immediately, conversation flowed. Turns out, God blessed us with more than just perfect park weather that day. We all gained new friends. Another faithful, sweet momma who loves God and her family, clearly.

I'm not sure what would have happened if it hadn't been for my boys and their faith that day. I may have missed out on something wonderful because of my anxiety and my own insecurities. I'm so thankful to know my boys are willing to share their faith. I pray they never lose willingness and bravery to open right up to people.  

To be fearless and transparent, especially in their faith.

When He Became a Dad.

  

I've had the privilege of knowing B.J., my precious husband, since we were twelve. Practically babies. He was cute, smart, athletic and super creative. In high school, he was so cool, though in that bad boy sort of way. He was a rebel of sorts, usually hanging with the older groups, and always causing the teachers to roll their eyes. Everyone liked him. And me, I was completely smitten with him. I adored this brown-eyed, tall, quiet boy.

And the rest is history. He made me a wife, I made him a husband. And it was very good.     
Then. Oh! THEN he became a dad. While it's been an amazing journey, THIS part. This part is my favorite.

The day the twins were born. The day he became a dad.  Even through my labor, he was awesome. We will never forget those seventeen hours. Such tender moments. Such stress-filled moments. And, a moment of fear, when the doctors said "Baby A's head is stuck, we need to do an emergency c-section. Now."
B remained so calm. And when they pulled those babies out, his face lit up like the fourth of July.  I just knew he was going to be awesome. I mean, the man changed poopy diapers before I did. And I'm pretty certain he changed most of them for the two weeks following. I fell in love with him all over again.

 Bringing babies home. We became a team like never before. There was no hesitation; I fed one, he took care of the other. And then, trade. There was no question, no complaints. Other than to the babies about their lack of comprehending day and night routine.
He was never hesitant to hold them, both of them. It was precious. And once the twins started sitting up, he was down there with them, playing cars, rolling balls, mesmerizing them with his silly faces. It's always been a riot watching him play with our kids.


We were both pleasantly surprised when we learned we were pregnant again. Another boy at that. [insert hysterical laughter here] Thank you Jesus.



This man has been my rock through these little years. For the first year of parenting, he would text me frequently, "Just breathe momma."
I will never forget that. I will never forget how compassionate he was our first year with two babies. And how strong he has been since. How many times I have broken down and he has stepped up. How he makes time for me and our boys. How his job can be so physically demanding, so stressful, yet, he comes home and manages to wrestle and play and be creative with our little ones.




Every day. He works hard to make a good life for us. He does it for us. I know it's not easy. I know the world is tough and cruel and demanding and enticing and says, "ditch the tough stuff, just do what you want." But he strives to be different. He is striving, always against the grain, to create a new legacy for his boys. One that will be rooted in faith, family, love, integrity and courage. I am extremely proud of this man. I am thankful to be his wife and the mother of his children. And in the beautiful chaos that is our wonderful loud and busy life, I don't tell him enough.

So I dedicate this post to you, B. 

 You are loved. You are blessed and you have blessed my life. Thank you.

Happy Father's Day my love.

...And a note to all the dads who are blessing their families and children, thank you. For being courageous enough to go against what the world tells you and bravely loving and being present for your families. Happy Father's Day!

When the Dry Bones Dance (again).

We are the dry and thirsty sand

Upon this dry and thirsty land

But you speak life into the flesh

Breathing air into the dead.

~Jonathan Thulin - Dead Come to Life (feat. Charmaine)

______________________________________________________


I was hanging on by a thread as New Year's rolled in. We celebrated as a family, but I wasn't fully here. Physically, sure, but emotionally and mentally, I was checking out. In the months to follow, Jesus was the only thing connecting me to my husband, my children, my house, my family. He held them as He clung to me. He didn't have to. I'm not even sure I asked Him to. But because of a promise He made all those years ago, His hand gripped me. He never let go.
Winter was long and life is hard. Little ones changing so quickly, I cannot keep up. All this time and certain realizations chipped away at my heart; no more babies, getting older, so much work to be done, death, sickness. A heart that was already fragile. Truth knocked me out one day. I was broken. So much in a such a short time. Heart, soul, mind and body just would not align. An ugly mess. I read about those dry bones in the book of Ezekiel. Me! I was those dry bones, life-less. Guilt only added to the weight. There was so much to be thankful for. So much to praise and dance about. Yet, I simply could not.
Still, Jesus clung. He continued to spread His arms and never once wavered. Never flinching, not even a quiver. His love radiates. His love lifts and brings life. His love protects and sustains.

ONLY GOD CAN DO THIS.    

"He washed away our filth at our salvation. He restores us with each new day. And He will make everything new for His glory."

...So what's different these days? What has these "dry bones" dancing again?

Prayer.  Honestly, this was a big one for me. Personally, I struggle with keeping up when mommahood brings me down. When our prayer life is lacking, we will find that all life loses it's luster. Trials, chaos, or the simple hardness of life will pull us down quicker than we realize when we let go of God, even just a little.
    I really believe that when we go through the valleys of life, we have a great opportunity to rise out with a renewed and firmer faith. With each passing victory, God allows me to see Him in new light. I learn how to believe Him and trust Him more. And to be example of that faith to my family.

Reaching out. We were not created to live this life without friends. We need girlfriends;  friends in Christ. And once I started reaching out again to friends and a few of those in my church family, my heart really began to lift. When you find women who lift and encourage you, hang on to them! There is nothing like sharing with another momma/women whose life has some valleys similar to yours. Knowing that you are not alone in this journey is extremely uplifting.

"We cannot and should not try to live 

and grow in the Gospel alone."

Essential Oils.   In the past month, I have been using Young Living Essential Oils; Joy, Stress Away, Peace & Calming and Valor. Every day, several times a day. I have never used antidepressants or anxiety medications. But it was either try that or the essential oils. I chose the latter and so glad I did. My family now uses them too. I believe in them and support the company. They are not a cure, but provide relief for just about everything.  Yes! There really is an oil for that!
[A year ago, I attended an informational meeting about essential oils. I was super skeptical. I thought, this is just some crazy scheme to take my money. After all the testimonies, (some seeming unreal) many from close friends and actually needing to do something, and finally persuading my husband, we invested. And, I have not been disappointed. Not one bit.]

A getaway.   Springtime lifted everyone's mood. Fresh air, sunshine and exercise really do lift the spirits. My family recently spent two weeks at the ocean, our favorite place. Being separated from our daily work and life made an enormous difference for all of us. For me especially. I was able to gain a new perspective, to refresh my thinking (or turn it off!). This has helped me tremendously. I wish this was something ALL families could do each year or even a few times a year. It is such a blessing to get away as a family. To laugh, to be free from schedules and the "daily grind" as some call it. To have fun and eat and play and breathe fresh air, together.

Coming home.  God has been faithful. He does everything He promises. Do you know His promises? Do you know His Word? Because you simply cannot realize how true He is or witness His Work if you don't know what it is He has said or promised.

"The only One who can truly satisfy the human heart is the One who made it."

It's only by grace that we can do this life really well. I am a mom. I am raising three little people. Little people who will grow into men. A big part of who they become is up to my husband and I. That realization alone is enough to depress a person. Add life (and death) to that and a person can sink into a deep dark hole of desperation. It's no wonder that we fall into pits of despair from time to time. I cannot imagine what it's like for those who do that without the anchor of Christ.  

But there is always hope.  

And when you know Him, there is always a big ol' dose of grace, mercy and joy to go along with it.

MY FLESH AND MY HEART MAY FAIL BUT GOD (!) IS THE STRENGTH OF MY HEART AND MY PORTION FOREVER.

Please remember this one thing. 

If our lives and our faith are centered upon Jesus Christ and his restored gospel, nothing can ever go permanently wrong. On the other hand, if our lives are not centered on the Savior and his teachings, no other success can ever be permanently right.  

~Howard W. Hunter

A Time For Everything.

 

Wintertime in the country is beautiful...breathtaking even. For a grownup, maybe.  For little ones, not so much. Sure, the snow can be fun, sledding is such a blast. But they only enjoy it for so long. And with a windchill of -15 degrees lately, they won't be enjoying it that much at all. And, we're running out of creative indoor play ideas. We make lots of messes then race or dance like crazy people to clean it up. We read lots of books. But these boys have so much energy stored up, lately, we don't even make it through a book and someone needs to race a few laps around the house. The bounce house the boys received for Christmas (a genius gift from Grammy!) is a great outlet. Several times a day, I require the boys to stop and go to the basement to "bounce it out". And I'm on Pinterest often looking for new ideas.
Lately, the music is blasting a little more to not only encourage movement, but also singing and swaying to the beat seems to lighten the moodiest blues (mine and theirs!). We're baking more too, the older boys seems to enjoy making messes and seeing their "creation" turn into something edible (most of the time, that is).

When the sun does shine brightly, we stand at the big back door and soak it in. We all dearly miss regular sunshine. We dream of warm breezes, chasing butterflies, riding bikes and cool sprinklers. The other day, E said to me, "Mommy, we should move to an island where it's warm and we can swim every day." (Smart kid.)
Recently, after grumbling about the weather for the "umpteenth" time, I was reminded of something from God's Word. And God's Word is always a good word.



There is a time for everything. While Winter is tough and seems so very long, it's nice to look forward to Spring and once we've had enough rain and everything has blossomed or re-birthed, we look forward to Summer. When everything is playful, smells lovely, and butterflies dance around our backyard. Once we've had enough dry, desert-like heat, we look forward to Fall when the cooler breeze blows and everything once again changes color. It's like nature sighs a big sigh of relief during fall time. Then, Winter blows in cold and snow blankets a sleepy earth and nature seems to quiet and still. A time for rest.

Yes, I am thankful for changing seasons. I am thankful for newness at the end of each one. I am thankful for all the beauty we can experience throughout the year as we watch God's creation rebirth, rebuild and eventually, rest before starting over again.

There is a time for everything.

The best part?

The changing seasons remind us that we can be renewed over and over again.

 

Ecclesiastes 3 (NLT)                                                                                                                        A Time for Everything

3 For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
² A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
³ A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
⁴ A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
⁵ A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
⁶ A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
⁷ A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
⁸ A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.

⁹ What do people really get for all their hard work?
 ¹⁰ I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. 
¹¹ Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. 
¹² So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. ¹³ And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.
¹⁴ And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God’s purpose is that people should fear him. 
¹⁵ What is happening now has happened before, and what will happen in the future has happened before, because God makes the same things happen over and over again.

Word.

 

It's a new year, a new blog and a new word.
I'm not a fan of big change. Never have been. I prefer subtle, quiet change. I hate the idea of crashing into a new year with all these new and improved ideas and changes.
I like what I read this morning on a blog:
"I’m not a planner. Not like that. Nor am I really a budgeter. And perhaps that’s a problem to some of you. I don’t look at January and say, “Wow! What a blank slate! Let’s plan out the year!”
I simply move gently from December and the holidays into a new month with hope and anticipation that this year will be a little bit better than the year before. I do it quietly, without fanfare, and without a ton of planning.
I guess I’m more of a “today” type of girl." 
(you can read the entire post from Sarah Markley for (In)Courage Me, here.)

That being said, I am (once again) not making "resolutions" nor am I preparing a list of goals set for the year. Instead, I have chosen one word for the year, in hopes that I can live up to it.

Reflection.

I want to be a reflection of Christ. To reflect His love, His mercy, His grace, His goodness.

This year, I will strive to be a reflection of the One who redeemed me. But, doing so one day at a time.

“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come.

We have only today. Let us begin.”

— Mother Teresa

So, here's to a new day and a new word.

[Untitled.]

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”

~2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV)


Did that REALLY just happen?!

My eyes scan the room and the wreckage that has become it. They meet little eyes, wide and shiny, is that a twinkle I see? Did I just catch a smirk? ...."Hi Mommy!" (sweetly smiling)
(Pause before reacting.) In my mind, a quick prayer, "Jesus help!"
Kneel down to their level. Look them in the eye. (What exactly would Jesus do? How would He react? What lesson can I teach here?) ...The sweet smile disappears. Tears flow. Crying ensues. Wailing even.
Any words would be lost.
Frustration is bubbling. Must.stay.calm. (Look at this mess! What were they thinking? They should know better by now! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!! ...but they're only two, no reasoning with a two year old. (sigh) okay remain calm.) ..."Look at mommy please. Stop crying. That was unacceptable behavior. You need to say you're sorry and help clean up."
There. I did it. I remained calm. I spoke calmly.
But, it doesn't end there. ..."NO! Mommy!!"
"If you don't clean up, you will go to timeout."
A full blown tantrum follows.
A momma exhausted, defeated. A lesson seems lost.


 
  Years ago, when I accepted Jesus into my heart, a journey began. Life was changed, renewed. I eventually learned that change would continue the rest of my earthly life. Over the years, it seemed as soon as I "settled" into something, God would change it. (Honestly, sometimes it felt as if He had pulled the rug right from underneath me!) And I would kick and scream and fight until I had no choice but to let God work. Because the alternative was unacceptable.

Present day. Motherhood. By far, the biggest life-change yet. And the most wondrous and hardest thing about it, it's a way of life, it's ever-changing, constantly growing. Just like my two-year-olds who are growing, learning, stretching, and constantly daring to test the powers-that-be. ...How much must I seem like that child when God is dealing with me?

As I stumble my way through motherhood, God, in all His amazing glory, has been speaking to my heart in new ways. Changing me once again.

For some time after I gave birth to our newest baby boy, I felt heavy emotionally. I kept telling myself it was hormones and soon enough, it would settle down and I could move on. When it didn't go away quick enough, I began to panic. What is wrong with me? Why am I not going back to normal?

.....What IS normal anyway? Why are we so determined to be "normal"? And how can I expect normal or the old way when all is new? There is new life in our house! Things will never be the same! Now a mother of three, a father of three, big brothers (not to mention a shift in birth order!), a baby brother, a family of five. We are all forever changed!

How many times in life have we expected the old, when we are made new?

“We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne.” Hebrews 12:3 (NLT)

Ps. 34:3 “O magnify the Lord with me, And let us exalt His name together.”

Fruit.

Fruit of the Spirit Tree

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! ~Galatians 5:22-23

I have found that in teaching my children about Jesus and the Word of God, I am actually learning and growing in my own faith. My children are like little sponges and yes, though they are still very young, they are learning even when we don't think so (and mostly from our examples!). They are quite amazing. And very smart.

I have started doing (short) bible study and prayer sessions with the boys. They actually listen very intently and seem to enjoy the short stories from the Bible, especially when we read about heroes from the Bible. 

I recently decided to teach them the Fruit of the Spirit. I found a fun little project I plan to do with the boys; see picture above. We will focus on one "fruit" each week. The original idea included a picture of each child and moving their picture to the fruit they most displayed that day. Since my boys are so young, we'll probably skip that for now, but this is something we can keep up and always go back to since this is something all ages should strive to cultivate in their lives. For now, I will simply work to impress God's Word on their hearts. They will surely remember as they grow.

It brings me great joy to hear my boys talk about Godly things. It's never to early to start cultivating a heart of faith in our children. And, it's a terrific refresher for my own heart and our home.

On Shaking Knees.

[Please note; this post took me four (4) days to write. It began with one idea and ended with another. I decided to publish it anyway, since it did take me four (4) days to write. Thanks for reading.:)]


I have always loved the silence of nighttime. In the winter, I love that the furnace running provides a sort of a sound barrier, allowing me to move about without worry of waking little ones.  Yes, I love my sleep, but when you have to be up anyway, you might as well find some enjoyment in it. And with three little ones, two of which require a certain amount of "active" attention all.day.long, I find those 2am feedings a perfect bonding time with my littlest one. And the 5am feeding, with baby sleeping soundly afterwards or just being content, a perfect time for just me.
  
  It's quiet, it's dark and outside the wind blows it low hum and cold breath. Inside here, I am warm, I am content, the coffee is hot, strong and sweet, and for a moment, I am alone. I write. I think. I pray. As the day welcomes her light, it's beauty never fails to amaze me. No two sunrises are ever the same. The way the light plays over the trees, across the land, and finally into my windows and filling my heart; I thank God for this moment to witness a brand new day. A fresh start. A time to truly rejoice for His refreshing grace.

Caring for a newborn and trying to be a teacher and good example to small children is exhausting work. Little people learning their way, attitudes, likes/dislikes, all very different from each other. Sometimes I want to pull my hair out trying to decipher small talk and discipline, for each child is very different. It's not unusual to find myself near tears by mid-day. Feeling defeated, wondering what to do next. Each step in my day is a lesson and example to little eyes and ears; I attempt to tread carefully. But, sometimes, my shaky knees cause me to fall. I want to melt right into the floor, become invisible. Instead, I pick myself up, deep breath in, a quick prayer, and forgiveness is sought. Start over. Again.

Grace is extended. From God and from my children, and many times, my husband. Each still love me even after the fall. How they humble me. How sweet that seeking grace and forgiveness can lift the spirits, soften the heart, and flip the most stubborn attitude.

...I love how Greg Laurie puts it......"If your knees are shaking, kneel on them!"

Jesus tells us to pray, continually. Our Heavenly Father is interested in every detail of our lives; therefore we can come boldly to His throne of grace and open our hearts to Him. (Hebrews 4:16)

Especially as mothers, we need to be reminded to "pray and not lose heart." This is a message straight from the Lord Himself. (just a few inspirations; Genesis 18:14, Jeremiah 32:17, Philippians 4:6-7, Luke 18:1, Hebrews 4:16)