I kissed her forehead and gently laid her in the cradle. I whispered, "goodnight baby, sleep tight, mommy loves you"
and I tip-toed away.
Fast forward roughly 25 years;
I'm sitting on the dock overlooking our pond, under the nighttime sky, weeping. I'm crying out to God wondering why He won't fulfill this ONE dream I have. To be a momma.
And He spoke to me so clearly that night. Through the stars twinkling in that clear sky, the breeze on my cheek, and the ripples in the water. I remember vividly. Those three things happened all at once. And I had my answer. I would be a momma. Soon. And it would all be to the glory of God.
...
One year later, the day those two pink lines appeared. I say to my husband, "Babe! I think I'm pregnant."
He says, "Let's try another test tomorrow."
...
Nine months later, I gave birth to healthy, beautiful twin boys.
...
Two years later, I gave birth to another beautiful boy.
...
A year and a half later, here I sit. Two three-year-olds (who happen to think they're five) and a one year old (who happens to think he is three or indestructible, or both).
...And we're in the trenches.
"We all need Jesus. I'm not the only one who struggles with self-control, anger and finding joy in the everyday routines. War veterans find comfort in talking to other vets, hearing their struggles and sharing their burden in a way that a non-veteran cannot.
We are in the trenches, moms.
It's hard. We are raising the next generation of world changers. Let's not be embarrassed or afraid to say I'm struggling with anger. I'm sad and weary. I need more of Jesus and don't know where to start. It's okay to admit we are weak. That's when He is strong. It's okay to need help. " -blogged by Redeemed (read the full post, Perfect, here)
I bookmarked that post. I've read it several times. And every time, I nod my head in agreement. And I pray...for myself, for moms everywhere. That if nothing else, we have the knowledge of our Savior. That deep down, beneath all the chaos, the hormones, the self-doubt, the nagging failure-feelings and loneliness that occasionally (or frequently) creeps over us, we know and find Him.
Jesus.
...
Earlier this evening, I read an Instagram post by a momma who I follow. In pictures, she's an awesome mom and sort of a super hero to me. In real life, according to her, she's just another momma who needs Jesus and lots of grace.
She posted that (at 8pm) she put all four of her kiddos to bed. And she was feeling confident that it would only be 50 minutes of having to tell them to be quiet and go to sleep. THEN the rest of the night would be theirs.
I thought, "OH THANK GOODNESS. WE'RE NOT THE ONLY ONES!"
Then I proceeded to share this post with my husband. "Babe! We're not the only ones! See! Look at this!"
It's so nice to know even in the trenches, we are not alone. There are others there, too, clinging for dear life to something, hopefully Jesus. Because really, how do you parent without Him? How do you live without Jesus?
Some time ago, I asked some mommas to share some of their stories to use in this post. I received several heart-wrenching, heart breaking messages. Several stories were of hurt and loss. A couple were positive lesson-learned messages.
The messages all had one common thread....being a momma is hard work. It brings out the best and the worst of us.
For those who shared, thank you. I had intended to write a short-book post and share your stories, but God had other plans. And I am following His lead.
I've been praying for you mommas. Regularly.
We really are in this together.
Hang on. Hang in there. And, reach out. Reach out to other mommas, get connected in some way. Lean on each other, be there for each other whenever and however you can. We all need Jesus, but we also need each other.
Love on one another. Pray for one another. We weren't meant to face anything in this life alone.
No comments:
Post a Comment