Five.

My baby turned 5 last week.

It was so exciting. For him. For me, it was bittersweet. My baby. It just seems a bit unreal to me that time has flown by like this. He's a little boy. A jumping bean. A real live hurricane. A squirrely, sneaky little ninja-boy with a wide, slightly crooked, toothy grin and big brown eyes sweet enough to break even the hardest hearts.

"When I grow up Mommy, I'm going to be a ninja. I can't get married because my wife can't see me. Ninjas can't be seen."
"I will live in the wilderness, maybe in our backyard. So, if you suspect a ninja, it's just me."

"Maybe you can throw some food out there every few days so I don't have to live on bugs and berries."
"I can't come to dinner, Mommy, because...ninjas can't be seen!"

I can't make this stuff up people.

This boy. He breaks my heart a thousand times a day. He also cracks me up. Like belly-shaking-roll-on-the-floor-laughing. I'm so thankful for this little boy.

He's smart. He's not interested in reading but can count, add and subtract and wants to learn to multiply. (Apparently, ninjas need to know their mathematics.) He loves to draw, write notes to mommy and daddy, and do math worksheets. His favorite food and drink is pizza, yogurt and chocolate milk.

His favorite color is purple, girls are his weakness and he makes friends wherever he goes (Usually with the ladies.).

He's growing fast. If he doesn't slow down soon, he may outgrow his brothers!

At the end of the day, no matter how good or how bad, he still wants to cuddle with mommy. (Actually, he wants to sleep with mommy...)

While so different from his brothers, he was the perfect addition to our family. God just knew that we needed some excitement for ALL THE DAYS.

God bless you, my precious little boy!!

These days.

Truly; 

"The days are long, but the years are short." 

And it's been quite a year. 

 BRAVE is our family word for 2015. I remember writing about that and how excited we were to start a brand new year. 

Have we been brave? Most definitely! 

[I have three boys. Brave should be their middle names!  But, seriously. It's been a year of...brave shifting.]

We are in a season of busyness. That is something we are NOT accustomed to. We have always been a laid-back, go-with-the-flow bunch, so this business of schedules and plans and places to be on a weekly basis? A-D-J-U-S-T-M-E-N-T. 

The twins are playing soccer; their very first organized sport. It's been fun and they do a great job! Mostly, they have fun, especially since they are on separate teams and get to play against each other. They have fun encouraging each other's team and every now and then a pat on the back or a quick sideline pep talk. 

All three boys attend AWANA. This is another new, wonderful experience as they work on tucking God's Word in their hearts with new friends every week. 

The twins are officially Kindergartners!!

We started our first day of (home)school August 24th.  We are currently in our fourth week with our Classical Conversations community. (Click here to find out more about Classical Conversations.)

It's such a blessing to get to learn right along with these guys. My only problem? Keeping up with them! They learn so much so fast, it blows.my.mind! These guys are really amazing. I am so proud of them...all three of them! Even baby boy is catching on quickly. We have fun days and we have hard days. BUT, even at the end of the hard days, lessons are learned and love abounds. And I could not be more thankful. 

Once again, it's Fall! 

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this time of year! The crunchy colorful leaves, the flowers put on their Fall display, pumpkins!!, cool mornings, warm bright days with NO humidity, bonfires, apple-picking, hayrides, apple cider, all things pumpkin-spice!, and school field trips! 

As we enter this new season, our hearts are overflowing with thanksgiving for all that God has given us this year. 

While there has been heartache, there has also been blessing.

On Being Their Mom; Who They Are Now.

Ezekiel. 

This 5 year old loves hard.

He prays. For everyone.
He loves his mama.
He calls me his sweetheart and tells me I am the light of his life. He said to me the other day, "Mommy, when I find a wife, you will still be my first sweetheart. I will come visit you."

He wears his heart on his sleeve (just like mama). He loves hugs and back rubs. He will not sleep alone and he's a super picky eater. He looks you in the eye when he talks and he uses his hands when he explains something. He wants long shaggy hair and prefers pajamas and bare feet.
This boy can count to 100, build a crazy cool Lego tower, pull a fast ninja kick, run like the wind and throw a mean pitch.

Being a twin ("twin B"), he teeters between oldest and middle-child personalities. He is often the mediator between brother, Eli ("twin A") and baby brother, Ike. 

Some current favorites:
Snow
Wrestling with his brothers

Shopping
Babies
Reading to others
Telling jokes
Drawing
Big Hero 6
Ninjago
Iron Man
Ninja Turtles (Mikey)
The story of Moses from the Bible
Eating apples

"When I grow up I want to be a dad and a helper; 
and maybe a ninja."

Elijah.

He says, "Mommy, I'll  love you forever, but when I grow up, I'm  going to live with Grammy." 

First thing that comes to mind about this five year old... hardcore stubborn. 

This one can argue like no other. Even if he's wrong, he'll argue you under the table. Just slightly on the shy side, give him an opening and he'll also talk you under the table. Transparent. He'll share his life story. Then he'll ask about yours. Then he'll share some more. 

He's sharp. He can count and read, but prefers to make his own rules when it comes to learning. 

The kid's got memory. And he remembers for years. He's  good about reminding you what you said. You know, like when you were certain he was out of earshot (!). 

When Eli is not sleeping or getting over first-morning-cranks, he is always moving.

"He's got moves like jagger". The kid can bust a move and loves to coordinate his dance moves. 

He loves to learn about "the old days" and has a slight obsession with volcanoes. 

Some current faves:

Ninjago 

Ninja Turtles (Raphael)

Dancing to rock n roll

Racing

Drawing 

Making up stories and telling them

Going to Grammy's

Family movie nights 

Deconstructing anything and everything to see how it works

Big Hero 6

Wrestling 

Volcanoes

History

Summertime

Swimming

Myrtle beach 

"When I grow up I want to be a racer. 

And when I'm a dad, I'll let my kids stay up as late as they want!"

Isaac. 

Hurricane Isaac.

This three year old is tough.as.nails. My biggest challenge yet. God's way of bringing  me to my knees? I think so. And I'm learning. 

He's big, he's smart, and he's just as cute as can be. 

In the three short years he has been with us, I think Ike has humbled us all.

His big brothers are his "best fwiends". Most days. He wants to do EVERYTHING they do and up til recently, he was sure that he was five just like them. 

He can count to 10 and write an "I" for Isaac. He likes to join in for school time and loves to draw with big brothers. He says "poop" and  "pee" much too often and tells way too many knock knock jokes usually ending in a banana pooping. 

He loves pretend play and building with Legos.  This kid is happiest when playing in water or mud or muddy water.

 His current favorites:

Ninja Turtles 

Diego

Puppy dogs

Leap Frog Letter Factory

Team Umizoomi

Blocks

Chocolate milk

Yogurt

His paci

His "clutchie" (taggie blanket)

Cowboy boots

Rocky-bye with mommy

Drawing and painting 

Riding his bike

Breaking silence

Giving hugs

Smiling

"When I grow up I'm going to marry you mommy 

and I want to be a dad. "

 

 Today was a great day. Despite my man having to go to work feeling ill and despite the fact that I wanted soooooo badly to go back to bed this morning ANNNNNNNDDDDD despite the fact that I had to spend 25 minutes rounding up looking like a fool pacing up and down the fence line attempting to redirect and/or grab escapee chickens, (You've heard the phrase, "herding cats"? Yes, just like that.).

 And that was just the morning.
So despite the fact that I really wanted to bake some bread and instead the boys begged me to "help make something new", (We made homemade parachutes for their little men and had a blast), despite that I kept getting "mooned" today by a certain little boy (E!), despite that I didn't get a chance to shower or read my Bible like I wanted, the house was a mess, a certain little someone (Z!) had the "dropsies" ("oops! dropped a chair", "oops! dropped my cereal", "oops! dropped a bowl of spaghetti", "oops! dropped my gigantic heavy jagged jet on your foot!" ...okay okay so I exaggerated  bit on that last one.). Despite when I FINALLY made my bread and it was a fail. (Let me tell ya though, failed homemade bread still tastes better than store-bought bread!)
 

 Today WAS a great day.

 

Today, I chose not to yell, I chose to play more, laugh more and chat more with my boys. I chose to be more patient, more kind and more loving. I chose not to fret about the laundry, the mess, or anything else that doesn't have a heartbeat.

There was so much laughter today. Lots of hugs and kisses. And singing and dancing. And some interesting discussions; tornado fires, Z might be a composer when he grows up, Ike can rhyme, and E likes to give "spaghetti kisses" (Think Lady and the Tramp, though he's never seen that movie.)

But you know what? Somewhere within our great day, we still got some things done. A basket of clothes got folded, the dishwasher was ran and we managed to clean up the general mess before daddy got home. Without any grumbling! (But what if none of that had gotten done? Oh hey, maybe tomorrow!)

When B got home, he actually said I was glowing. 

Joy really does look good on a person! 

(Never mind if you're wearing flour and some unidentified sticky stuff, you're hair is stuffed into a messy bun and eye makeup is still smeared around your eyes from yesterday! ...Yuck, I know!) 

Every morning as I watch that sunrise, I know. I know God is in control and I have a choice. I can choose to be thankful and grace-full or not. Some days, I miss it completely. Some days, I get it right. Today was one of those days. Thank God for great days.

One of my current morning reads is What Happens When Women Walk in Faith (Lysa TerKeurst).  This sentence is embedded on my heart:  

"If you are a woman who honors God right where you are, 
you are in ministry."

This particular season of motherhood has been my toughest one yet. And, it's not going to get easier. I was reminded that day when I read those words, THIS IS MY MINISTRY. Being a wife, a mommy, a woman after God's heart. This is my life purpose. (Until God adds to that!) Waking up each morning with that on my heart, makes a world of difference. Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Faithfulness. Gentleness. Self-control. (See what I did there?)



Today was a great day. Here's to great tomorrows! 

Thank-Full; Thankful to be. And praying for them.

I have three year old twin boys who will soon be four. I also have a one year old boy who turns five next month. Haha.

They're wild. They're loud. They're rough. They're usually pretty tough. They're fast. They're messy.

They're also clever, hilarious, talkative, social, story-telling, momma-loving, daddy-following, praying, singing, dancing, beautiful little people.

And basically, I think they're pretty darn awesome.

I am so thankful to be their momma.

I've only been a momma a short time and mostly I am completely overwhelmed and usually feel completely under-qualified.

But God is good. I believe God speaks to us mommas in such special ways. When we seek Him out, and sometimes, even when we don't. HE KNOWS. He knows how bogged down, how depleted, how desperate life with little ones can seem.

I am so thankful for the way God speaks. I am so thankful for Christ-following friends who speak up; who share. I am thankful that I have a heart that wants to please Christ, who wants to know Him, who wants to learn His ways.
Even when I choke up, Even when I get it wrong. I am covered in His grace and His mercy is new EVERY.SINGLE. DAY. (Thank goodness, because I need LOTS of that.)


If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. James 1:5-7

..........................
Praying over my kids everyday;
(As written in Praying Boldly for Our Kids, by Lysa TerKeurst, 2010)

*I pray they grow up to be some of the most godly people in their sphere of influence.
*I pray that they would be caught when they make wrong choices.
*I pray that God would save them from the wrong friends and save them for the right friends. And that goes for their future spouses as well.
"As a mom, I want to be single-minded on the reality that if God entrusted these kids to me, I am the exact mom they need. And as the rightful holder of that position, I will believe not only in God but I will also believe that I have what it takes to raise these kids right. As long as I ask for God to help me each day, I CAN be the mom I need to be."
And I pray for ME.
Lord, help me to:
*be ruled by truth not fear.
*not build the stability of my identity on the fragility of my kid's choices.
*walk in humble confidence that you, Lord, will give me everything I need to be the mom these kids need. Hush Satan's accusations and condemnations so my prayers will never be hindered.

.................................

In The Trenches.

I remember a time when I was 6 or 7 years old, a moment that seems ages ago, almost faint. I was sitting in my room holding my baby doll. She was dressed in a sleeper, swaddled so carefully and I was singing a lullaby, "hush little baby don't say a word..."
I kissed her forehead and gently laid her in the cradle. I whispered, "goodnight baby, sleep tight, mommy loves you"
and I tip-toed away.

Fast forward roughly 25 years;
I'm sitting on the dock overlooking our pond, under the nighttime sky, weeping. I'm crying out to God wondering why He won't fulfill this ONE dream I have. To be a momma.
And He spoke to me so clearly that night. Through the stars twinkling in that clear sky, the breeze on my cheek, and the ripples in the water. I remember vividly. Those three things happened all at once. And I had my answer. I would be a momma. Soon. And it would all be to the glory of God.

...
One year later, the day those two pink lines appeared. I say to my husband, "Babe! I think I'm pregnant."
He says, "Let's try another test tomorrow."

...
Nine months later, I gave birth to healthy, beautiful twin boys.

...
Two years later, I gave birth to another beautiful boy.

...
A year and a half later, here I sit. Two three-year-olds (who happen to think they're five) and a one year old (who happens to think he is three or indestructible, or both).

 

...And we're in the trenches.

"We all need Jesus. I'm not the only one who struggles with self-control, anger and finding joy in the everyday routines. War veterans find comfort in talking to other vets, hearing their struggles and sharing their burden in a way that a non-veteran cannot.

We are in the trenches, moms.

It's hard. We are raising the next generation of world changers. Let's not be embarrassed or afraid to say I'm struggling with anger. I'm sad and weary. I need more of Jesus and don't know where to start. It's okay to admit we are weak. That's when He is strong. It's okay to need help. " -blogged by Redeemed (read the full post, Perfect, here)


I bookmarked that post. I've read it several times. And every time, I nod my head in agreement. And I pray...for myself, for moms everywhere. That if nothing else, we have the knowledge of our Savior. That deep down, beneath all the chaos, the hormones, the self-doubt, the nagging failure-feelings and loneliness that occasionally (or frequently) creeps over us, we know and find Him.

Jesus.

 

 

 

...

 

Earlier this evening, I read an Instagram post by a momma who I follow. In pictures, she's an awesome mom and sort of a super hero to me. In real life, according to her, she's just another momma who needs Jesus and lots of grace.

She posted that (at 8pm) she put all four of her kiddos to bed. And she was feeling confident that it would only be 50 minutes of having to tell them to be quiet and go to sleep. THEN the rest of the night would be theirs.

I thought, "OH THANK GOODNESS. WE'RE NOT THE ONLY ONES!"

Then I proceeded to share this post with my husband. "Babe! We're not the only ones! See! Look at this!"



It's so nice to know even in the trenches, we are not alone.

There are others there, too, clinging for dear life to something, hopefully Jesus. Because really, how do you parent without Him? How do you live without Jesus?

Some time ago, I asked some mommas to share some of their stories to use in this post. I received several heart-wrenching, heart breaking messages. Several stories were of hurt and loss. A couple were positive lesson-learned messages.
The messages all had one common thread....being a momma is hard work. It brings out the best and the worst of us.

For those who shared, thank you. I had intended to write a short-book post and share your stories, but God had other plans. And I am following His lead.

I've been praying for you mommas. Regularly.

 

 

We really are in this together.

Hang on. Hang in there. And, reach out. Reach out to other mommas, get connected in some way. Lean on each other, be there for each other whenever and however you can. We all need Jesus, but we also need each other.

Love on one another. Pray for one another. We weren't meant to face anything in this life alone.



Boys and Mud.

Earlier this year, the boys and I borrowed a book from the library titled Mud. It instantly became a favorite. When Spring finally arrived, the boys couldn't wait to get outside and play in the mud. They couldn't wait to ..."Stir it. Stick it. Dig it. Dance it".
And they did just that.

Sometime later, I found a recipe on Pinterest for "Clean Mud". (made from shredded bar soap and warm water)

We had a blast with it. We started out at the table. The boys could squish it and stir it, but then it got messy.

We decided to move our mud to the bathroom sink. That is where the real mess, er, fun, began.

Once the boys started getting carried away, we moved the "fun" to the bathtub. The boys played and bonus, got clean!

I highly recommend it, but next time, we will play with it outdoors.

This moment. And boys.

Running errands, by.my.self.

 ...taking a moment to think about my beautiful boys

and my OHSOAMAZING husband (!) and how good they are for me; how beautiful life really is.

It feels so good to just.breathe.

In silence.

 

 

...Why is it that "the world" has already set my boys up for failure? "Because they're boys." I would never ever be naïve enough to think they will be perfect or never mess up. They will make mistakes.

 

 

But why can't we hope for difference? Why can't we raise our children to hope in Jesus, to hope in good. To believe that they can be men of integrity, respectful, kind, protectors of good and truth? It's my duty to at least try. At least cover them in LOVE.

 

And I fully believe in them; I BELIEVE they will do great things. 

 

 

 

And we can accomplish this through our faith in Jesus Christ.

 

 

 

 

 

Words.

"Choose your words wisely."

This has echoed in my head throughout the years. But never so much as since having little ones who could talk.
You know, these innocent, intelligent little people, err, repeaters-of-everything-you-say.

Never, ever, have I had to think so carefully about the words coming out of my mouth. And be so sorry when the wrong words spilled out. And then have said word (or words) repeated to me for days after to remind me of my mistake.

I don't cuss. Not out loud anyway. Not usually. Not typically loud enough for anyone to hear.
       Did I really just admit that? ....

So I don't cuss. But what does that mean? There are still LOTS of words we can use that can set our children up for trouble. Or at least give a room full of people a good laugh (while I shrink in embarrassment.)

The other day, E, my "oldest", was angry. I know this because he came stomping into the room, arms crossed, brows furrowed and announced angrily, "I AM ANGRY!"

Deep breath. Okay.  
"Buddy, why are you...angry?"

Those angry little eyes. That frown.
"Because, HE IS CHEESY!", pointing at baby boy.

I wanted to laugh. But I didn't. Instead, my mind scanned back...when did I say that? I knew it likely came from me. My husband doesn't use that word. Well, that I could remember.
Okay, back to present moment.

"Buddy, do you know what that word means?"

"YES MOMMY. IT MEANS HE IS MEAN."

"Umm, not so much kiddo."


.....


One day, I was having an adult conversation and I used the word stupid to describe something. The boys were in the other room and I thought nothing of it. But, sure enough, a few days later, one of the boys used that word to describe something they were playing with. And so, it began. We had a conversation about how some words are unkind and shouldn't be used.
"But you said it mommy."
(Oh my.)
"Yes. And mommy was wrong. I am sorry."


How many times I have had to explain mommy was wrong and then had to apologize? Too many to count.

It's just a fact. Every single one of my words are monitored, many are recorded and repeated, by my children.


(And I won't even discuss the fact that they hear much much worse when we go out in public. I'm not even going to think about that right now.)


A humbling reminder that someone else hears our words; knows them before we speak them. Our Heavenly Father. Thankfully, He's full of grace and forgiveness and doesn't throw them back at us.


HUMBLING.

" Choose your words wisely."

These boys.

“Making the decision to have a child – it is momentous.

It is to decide forever to have your heart
go walking around outside your body. ”

― Elizabeth Stone

 

 

I was recently contacted by a friend who has a friend going through some infertility difficulties. Knowing "our story", she asked me to share some words of encouragement to her friend. And it hit me....our infertility journey. All those years of praying. Waiting. Believing. For these precious lives! THESE PRECIOUS LIVES.

Who are here, in my life, blessing me, changing me, humbling me day-by-day.

 

 GOD!! Thank you for these three miracles you have sent us! They are so precious and may we never take them for granted! Protect them! Bless them! Cover them! In Jesus' name. Amen.

 

"We are brothers and brothers never fail.
Brothers are loyal and kind

and stick together and love.
Brothers are best friends."