Almost consumed.

                         Afraid to love
Something that could break
Could I move on
If you were torn away?
And I'm so close to what I can't control
I can't give you half my heart
And pray He makes you whole

(Chorus)
You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
'Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I'll start

I won't let sadness steal you from my arms
I won't let pain keep you from my heart
I'll trade the fear of all that I could lose
For every moment I share with you

Chorus

Heaven brought you to this moment, it's too wonderful to speak
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me

It's where I'll start

All Of Me - Matt Hammitt
( from the album Every Falling Tear)
.......

"I thought parenting was going to portray my strengths, never realizing that God had ordained it to reveal my weaknesses." ~ Dave Harvey



(Saturday, December 15) ...The blaring alarm clock music woke me this morning, "I love I love I love I love the way you hold me..." (Jamie Grace song feat. Toby Mac)

Yesterday's events flooded my mind, my heart still aches. Discouragement and anger still flowing fresh through my mind, through my veins and straight to my heart. I got out of bed and walked to the kitchen. I stopped in the hall and listened. Quiet. I hear myself breathing. Too quiet. What if it was always this quiet? What if my children never came home? There's that ache again. It shoots straight through my heart, almost knocking me to my knees. Tears flow as I think of the mommas(parents) who are facing this reality right now. ...Who have faced it.

I go directly to my Bible. I search. As I am turning pages, something slips out. It's a sheet from something I printed long ago. I'm not even sure where it came from. But it looks something like this:
____________

Psalm 19:35, "You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great."

(there's a prayer written immediately after)

Dear Lord, I need Your shield of victory to protect me from discouragement. I pray that You would extend Your right hand to sustain me; Your grace to strengthen me; and Your wisdom to lead me. Thank you for Jesus, who stooped down to make me great because of Your great love for me. Today, I want to find a new starting place with You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
____________

I pray. I search. I ask.
                                         I'm completely conflicted.

I just keep running to Him. The One who fills me. His Word sustains me. Carries me.

............So I am not completely consumed..........

My (almost) three year old singing this morning, "....but joy comes in the morning....your love never fails..."

For all those families who are grieving, I grieve with you. I pray for you. My family is praying for you. For this unimaginable loss. God be with you.