Thank-Full; Bravery.

Last night was rough. And the turning of a page in our life.

The boys had their first dental appointment yesterday. They were so brave and did such a great job. Watching them in the dentist chair from a distance, listening to them chatting with hygienist like big kids. It was just another bittersweet momma moment. I was so proud of them. And then, we had a chat with the Doctor. "Do they have a habit?" He asked. He was referring to thumb-sucking.
"No. They use pacifiers. [cue the shocked looks] But only when they sleep and we're throwing them out when they turn 4 in a couple of months."
"They really need to go." ("Please tell them that, Doc." He did.)

So, last night, E said, "I'm ready to be a big boy, let's throw away my paci"

We weren't really prepared to do that just then. But, we went with it. I grabbed a jar and told the boys to leave their pacifiers for the "Paci Fairy". (That was the first creative idea that came to mind at that moment!)
So they did it. I could not believe it.

Low and behold, when it was time to turn out the lights, E cried. "But, I need my paci mommy! What will I put in my mouth?"
"Kiddo, try holding your bear or your lamb. Or cuddle up with Captain America. It will be fine, I promise."
After a short debate over nightlights and star lights, etc., all was quiet and they went to sleep rather quickly.

Around 2am, Z was crying, loudly, for his paci. It was awful. I tried consoling him. I told him the paci fairy had already come and the pacifiers were gone.
"I don't want anything else mommy! I don't want Christmas presents or a birthday party, you can have all my clothes, I don't need anything! Please give me my paci mommy!" Sobs, cries, gasps.

The death of the paci.
[It may seem silly to some, but for my boys, who have used a paci since birth, it's a loss. Loss of a comfort, loss of a habit. And it happened cold turkey. That's tough stuff! Especially for a three year old.]

I was heartbroken for him. I felt so torn. I was tired, I was worried the others boys would wake up, I wanted this moment to end. But, turning back now would only make it tougher later. Turning back now would actually be more harmful than helpful. I had to be strong. I had to help him get through this.
It got worse. Z had himself in such a "tizzy" that he was scratching. A lot. Hives were forming. I was starting to panic myself. "Help me God!" I just started praying for Z, for us, for help.
I gave him some medicine for the itching and put an ice pack on his legs. We laid down on the couch  and watched a little television. I just kept praying. I rubbed his back. I told him softly, over and over again we would get through this.

Eventually, this precious boy fell back to sleep. He woke up a couple more times, but we did it.

We made it through night one without pacifiers (for the big boys, that is.)

I am so thankful for hanging in there. For bravery. For not giving in when I so wanted to. This wasn't the first time and it surely won't be the last. Each time, I am a little bit braver, a little bit stronger. And I am grateful for God's help through it all.

The night came and went.

This morning, the boys woke up without saying much about the pacifiers. But I did go ahead and show them the money that the "paci fairy" left them. They're pretty excited.

 I'm not sure how tonight will go, but we will get through it. We will be brave and strong and we will all be better for it.